Nickie Valdez
Nickie in her band uniform, Fox Tech High School, San Antonio, Texas
“Her whole call was to help people recognize that they were created in the image and likeness of God, and God loved them just as they are created. She believed that to the core. She was very tenacious in that work and lived it.”
Blessing of the Peacemakers, Nickie Valdez in San Antonio, Texas, 2019
Nickie as a young woman on her own, ca. 1960s. Courtesy of Deborah Myers
Nickie when she was a novice with the congregation of the Cord-Marian Missionary Sisters in San Antonio at the age of 16.
Social Justice Activist for the LGBTQ and Catholic Community
1940–2020
As more LGBTQ organizations in San Antonio emerged in the 1980s and 1990s, Nickie was a part of many of them, including SALGA (San Antonio Lesbian and Gay Assembly) that was organized to bring together Lesbian and gay organizations, businesses, and individuals and defend the human and civil rights of the LGBTQ community. This organization was active from 1990-1998. Nickie was the first co-chair of the San Antonio Equal Rights Political Caucus, currently known as the Stonewall Democrats. Nickie was also part of Pax Christi of San Antonio, and worked with the Esperanza Peace and Justice Center since its inception in 1987.
What Nickie became most well known for, though, was her role as co-founder and sustainer of Dignity/San Antonio. DignityUSA is a national organization for LGBTQI Catholics, founded in 1969 by Father Patrick X. Nidorf, O.S.A. Nickie, her friend Bruce Jarstfer, and others established a San Antonio chapter in 1976. The organization began after Nickie helped organize a small group of gay men and lesbian women who gathered in each others’ homes to stay connected to their faith. They read and discussed scripture, and how it applied to their lives. Eventually they decided to have a more public presence, so they began meeting at the International Students Center at St. Philips College, on the invitation of Sr. Maria Teresa Flores, CCVI, a Sister of Charity of the Incarnate Word. Unfortunately they were soon asked to leave by Archbishop Furey, and so had to return to meeting in homes. At this time, they found out about Dignity, Inc. and inquired about how to form a local chapter. When Archbishop Furey left San Antonio, the chaplain of San Antonio College, Father Balty Janacek, asked the incoming Archbishop Flores if he could invite the group to meet at his campus. The chapter celebrated their first Mass on August 1, 1976 at Our Lady of the Pillar Retreat House.
During Archbishop Flores’ time in San Antonio, the group healed and grew. By 1980 they had filled their offices and created bylaws and a constitution. They were centered on liturgy, but began to articulate more connections between their sexuality and spirituality. They held discussion groups on topics such as “Gay Morality,” “The Gay and Lesbian Family,” and“What does it mean to be gay?” They became financially independent and hosted their first Region VII Convention at the University of the Incarnate Word. In September 1981 Archbishop Flores formally appointed Father Alex Nagy and Nancy Shafer to minister the Chapter. They decided to pursue meeting in a Catholic Church, and were thrilled when the Vicar General of the Diocese, Monsignor Charles Pugh, let them meet at St. Patrick’s Catholic Church, so they found a home there on Easter Sunday 1982. Unfortunately, they faced some harassment-- they would find that the air had been let out of their tires after liturgy on Sundays; mud balls and slurs were thrown at them and written on their cars. When Monsignor Pugh left St. Patrick’s in 1985, the new pastor asked them to leave. On Palm Sunday, over 200 members shared in their farewell celebration to St. Patrick’s.
Around this time, in 1985, Nickie met her spouse and partner in life, Deborah Myers, at Dignity. The women were joined in holy union in 1989. Nickie and Deb led many of Dignity/San Antonio's programs and other justice-oriented activities in the city. They were leaders of DignityUSA’s Committee for Women’s Concerns, which eventually became Women of Dignity. They also headed DignityUSA’s Couples Ministry, which maintained a registry of couples who had celebrated their commitments before they could be legally recognized. Through mentoring and nurturing so many people, they saved many lives.
Dignity/San Antonio continued to face many challenges over the years, in their struggle to find a welcoming space in the Catholic Church. In October 1986, the Congregation for the Doctrine of the Faith issued what is called the “Halloween letter” stating that homosexuality is an intrinsic disorder and those who act on their sexuality intrinsically evil. Dignity chapters around the country were asked to leave Catholic Church property, but Archbishop Flores continued to defend Dignity/ San Antonio, and they were allowed to meet at St. Mary’s Catholic Church downtown (though they no longer had a formally assigned chaplain). In spite of Archbishop Flores’ protection, Dignity/San Antonio suffered. Fewer priests were willing to preside; the harsh language of the Halloween letter was devastating to many LGBTQ Catholics, many of whom left the church altogether.
Esperanza Veinte Años Awards Dinner - Nickie Valdez at the Esperanza Peace and Justice Center in San Antonio, Texas, 2007
For Dignity/San Antonio, this shift “matured them in their faith and spirituality.” They now created their own liturgical services, added more inclusive language and felt empowered in their ability to express who they were. They hosted a regional conference at Casa San Jose (Oblate) with keynote speaker Sister Jeanine Grammick, SL, a Sister of Loretto, and workshops with topics such as “The human side of AIDS”, and “Homophobia.” They hosted their first Ball, which has become an annual event that celebrates their work in the community. In the early 1990s they had to leave St. Mary’s, and began to meet at St. Ann’s Catholic Church. While at St. Ann’s, they established a meals program for people with AIDS, and created an event called “Solidarity Sunday,” a non-violence project asking people to pledge to end violence against all people, includinge LGBTQ communities. In 1996 they hosted the Mountain Plains Regional Conference with Tom Keene as the keynote speaker, and for their 20th anniversary they invited Dignity USA President Marianne Duddy as their homilist. They continued to host several other conferences and major events.
In 2005 they faced another setback, as Archbishop Patrick Flores retired, ending a shepherding era for Dignity San Antonio. Under Archbishop José Gómez the relationship between Dignity/San Antonio and the Catholic Church became more tenuous. In 2010 the administrator to Archbishop Gómez, Oscar Cantú, sent a letter to Dignity/San Antonio asking them not only to leave St. Ann’s, but to stop holding Mass in San Antonio as well. They were not to gather on any Catholic Church property.
Nickie called Reverend Tom Heger at Beacon Hill Presbyterian Church to share the news, and he immediately offered a place for Dignity to gather. Dignity continued to meet there until Beacon Hill closed their doors in 2014. Several other communities welcomed them: University Presbyterian Church, Laurel Heights Methodist Church, and St. Paul’s Episcopal Church. Ultimately they decided to meet at St. Paul’s, and have been holding weekly services to this day. Dignity/San Antonio continues to welcome all lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer and intersex Catholics and their allies.
Nickie Valdez never wavered in her Catholic faith. Her longtime friend Patricia S. Castillo noted “You talk about ‘speak truth to power’ — that just floors me about her, that little, tiny woman...You could not make her stop, no matter what. She found all these little niches all over the community where her faith could be practiced…And she was not going to let that go, no matter what. To her, that was her church — and she was going to passionately defend her faith and her spirituality in that way until the day she died.”
One of the happiest times Nickie and Deb had together was when they were able to get a marriage license from Bexar County, and they were legally married in September of 2015. They were together for 35 years. In the last years of her life Nickie was also celebrated for her decades of activism. At the 2017 conference “Rolling the Stone Away: A Gathering of LGBTQIA Saints and Prophets'' she was asked to speak the final blessing. In January 2019, the interfaith peaceCENTER honored Nickie as one of their peace laureates. She shared the honor with Rebecca Flores, former state director of the UFW and Patricia S. Castillo of the P.E.A.C.E. Initiative; in 2007 the Esperanza recognized Nickie for a lifetime of activism in the LGBTQ community as part of the Esperanza’s 20th anniversary celebration.
Nickie died on December 25, 2020, after an eight-year battle with multiple myeloma. She was 80 years old. Her funeral Mass was held at the Oblate School of Theology on January 10, 2021. Three priests co-celebrated the Mass. National organizations Dignity USA and the National Catholic Reporter noted her tremendous impact. DignityUSA President Chris Pett said, "we rejoice in her enduring legacy of faithfulness to the cause of justice, especially the full and active inclusion of LGBTQI Catholics in the life and leadership of the Church."
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Adkins, Judith. “‘These People Are Frightened to Death’:Congressional Investigations and the Lavender Scare.” National Archives. Archives.gov. Summer 2016, Vol. 48, No. 2
Howard McParland, Angela. “Remembering Nickie Valdez, An LGBTQ Catholic Pioneer.” New Ways Ministry.org. January 15, 2021.
Johnson, David K. The Lavender Scare: Cold War Persecution of Gays and Lesbians in the Federal Government. University of Chicago Press, 2004.
“Mary ‘Nickie’ Valdez-- Siempre, Presente!” La Voz de Esperanza, February 2021, p. 8-9.
Myers, Deborah. Conversations with Donna Guerra, February 27, 2021 and March 6, 2021.
Nickie Valdez: Biography. LGBTQReligious Archives Network. April 2017
“Nickie Valdez | Oral History”, LGBTQ Religious Archives Network, accessed February 19, 2021,
“Nickie Valdez, Pioneering Catholic Lesbian Advocate, Dies on Christmas Day.” dignityusa.org
O’Hare, Peggy. “She definitely saved lives': Peace laureate and Dignity San Antonio co-founder leaves strong legacy.” San Antonio Express News, Dec. 28, 2020.
Valdez, Nickie and Deb Myers. “Dignity/San Antonio: And God’s grace towards me
has not been in vain.” Collaborative History of Dignity, unpublished.